Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
