FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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