...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
