idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
