I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
