Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
