I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
