Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
