apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
