ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
