Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
