I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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