i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
