people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
