those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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