its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
