I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
