Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Found the puke drawer
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
