I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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