I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
