went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
