ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
