Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
