I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
