ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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