You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
