fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We need to get me chipped asap
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
