you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He felt like a one man threesome
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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