U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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