After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
