Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
