haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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