I look better un-naked...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
