You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
