i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
