I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
