where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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