I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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