Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
