i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just puked most of my soul out..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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