I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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