evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
