I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
