woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
