peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
