i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
