she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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