you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
