I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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