I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
