My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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