It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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