i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
